Those Crazy Cullens!
by NerdFightsDalek
Summary: What happens when Emmet is goofy thats an understatement , Bella is insane, and everyone is OOC? Those Crazy Cullens is what you get! Please Review.
1. Colonel Mustard?

**A/N-this is my first fanfic, so be nice! O.O.C, so please no mean reviews just to tell me something I already know! Thanks! :)**

**Disclaimer: The name's Passion, Jazz Passion, and one day, I will rule the world with my awesome Cullen Vampires!**

**Stephenie: Erm..no.**

**Me: Chyea! So believe it, poser! *snaps fingers in a z like motion while doing the head thing* That's right, I went there!**

**SM: I have lawyers and a blowtorch.**

**Me: *nervous laugh* JK! Me no own hawtness vampires! Now onto the snap-crackle-popilishis story!**

**Those Crazy Cullens! By JazzPassion**

**A/N-notes between our favorite vampires! Whheeeee!**

Emmet: Fa la la la la, French Vanilla!

Jasper: French Vanilla's here for that special kind of year!

Emmet: Do the cool whip! The Cool Whip!

Edward: Umm, Emmet? Is there a particular reason as to why you are prancing around the hous in a tutu wearing a tiara and waving a plastic wand?

Emmet: AHHHHHHH! No Time! I must serenade the Llama Lords with my beatiful singing! So buzz off, Eddie-Poo!

Edward:...Umm, the tutu?

Emmet: Gawsh, the Llama Lords are gonna have my head for this, but if you insist, it has recently come to my attention that we sparkle, so-

Rose:Umm, Emmy-Bear? We've always sparkled.

Emmet: NUH-HUH! But anyways, I'm just acting the part, and...I'm TINKERBELL! Reborn, I mean.

Rose: Oh my god.

Bella: Eddie Dearest, I need to talk to you!

Edward: Yes, love?

Bella: Im leaving you. For my beetle.

Edward: Your..beetle?

Bella: Yesh, my beetle. He's a Latin-American Circus Ringmaster named Herb-Jose, and I luzz him with all my nose.

Edward: With all your...nose?

Bella: Yupper-doodle! All your heart is so over! But don't be sad! I found a pretty shmexxi beetle for you! Her name is Tarry Espaniola.

Edward: Love, I think you need to lie down...

Bella: NOOOOOOOO!! You'll never catch me alive, coppers! Muhahahaha!

Edward: Bella, honey, I'm sure you love Herb very much, but lie down! Now, please.

Emmet: IT WAS COLONEL MUSTARD WITH THE CANDLESTICK IN THE OBSERVATORY!

Bella: ZOMG! I totally knew it!

Edward: Knew what, love?

Bella: That it was Colonel Mustard, duh! Keep up, eddie-weddie! OOH! We should play monoscoply! I call the Knagaroo!

Edward: Don't you mean Monopoly?

Bella: Nope. Monoscoply.

Edward: ...

Bella: OOOH! WAIT! Before we start, Edward, how do you feel about me running away to Rhode Island to join a pack of Evil Latin Llamas hellbent on destroyin Alpacas and taking over the world?

Edward: ...

Aro: Oh , Snap-Crackle-Pop! Did not see that one coming!

Carlisle: ARO! What're yoe doing here? Renesmee's fine!

Aro: I know! Sethy-Poo imprinted on me!

Carlisle: ...Well, you learn something new everyday. Some things you did not what to learn.

Bella: MWAR!

Edward: Bella, what are you doing now?

Bella: Imitating Freddy the Fun Loving Dinosaur.

Edward: ...I quit....


	2. Bologna

**AN: Okay, I know I'm horrible. So, guys, it's been like a year, hasn't it? Well, I'm terribly sorry about the wait. Y'know, life and all. I'm going to be writing some actual, more serious stories soon, so this one might get…well, neglected. Cheers! **

Bella: Eduardo! Can you go get me some O.J.?

Edward: Sure, love. What brand?

Bella: Uhm…simply orange! NO! minute maid! NO!

Edward: Bella, dear? Simply Orange it is.

Emmet: MY BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME-

Bella: IT'S O-S-C-A-R!!!

Emmet: MY BOLOGNA HAS A SECOND NAME-

Alice: IT'S M-A-Y-E-R!!!

Jasper: ALICE! I am shocked! Since when do you join in tom-foolery of mere less-lings?

Alice: Uh, since they were singing the bologna song?! Duh!!!

Rosalie: WHO'S SINGING THE BOLOGNA SONG!

Bella: US!

Rosalie: HIT IT!

Edward: I am soooo gone!

Bella: MY BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME-

Alice: IT'S O-S-C-A-R!!!

Rosalie: MY BOLOGNA HAS A SECOND NAME-

Bella: I LOVE TO EAT IT EVERY DAY, AND IF YOU ASK ME, OH, I'LL SAY!!!

All three girls: CUZ OSCAR MAYER HAS A WAY WITH B-O-L-O-G-N-A!!

Carlisle: KEEP IT DOWN! I can't eat my bologna with all that noise!

Esme: BOLOGNA! WHERE?!

All: OVER HERE!

**Okay, so this horribly corny childish story was born from my bologna sandwich today at lunch. R&R to tell me if I need to go back to the drawing boards, please! **

**Love, Katie**


	3. Oscar The HappyGoLucky?

**YOU GUYS. YES, YOU. THE ONE STARING AT THE SCREEN AS IF THE STORY WAS YOUR LIFELINE. I HAVE A NEW CHAPTER FOR YOU(: READ AND REVIEW! OH YES, I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT, SESAME STREET SCATTERGORIES, OR YOUR MOTHER'S LINGERIE. JUST SAYIN'. (; **

Bella: Eddy Weddy!

Edward: NO! NO MORE BOLOGNA!

Jasper: Oh, Ballsy Bellsy!

Bella: Yes, Junky Jazzy?

Jasper: Let's play a game!

Bella: Coolio, Julio! What game?!

Jasper: Uhm, well, like like, uhm, like, well...OOH! I KNOW! Verbal Scattergories!

Alice: Ooh! I so pick the letter! Uh, … "O."

Jasper: okay, like "O." it is! Belly Welly, you first!

Bella: OLIVER!

Jasper: OLLI!

Alice: OLIVIA!

Jasper: OLIVANDER! Your turn, Eddi-kins.

Edward: ****sarcastically** **, Idk. Oscar?

Bella: LE GASP! Did y'all know that on Sesame Street, Oscar the Grouch isn't allowed to be grouchy anyomore? And they made him move out of the trash can!

Rosalie: OH NUH UH!

Bella: Uh, ya huh.

Carlisle: Well, I will be having a word with their patooki.

Bella: I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?!

Edward: I am so going to hunt.

Bella: NO PHYLISS!

Edward: Phy...liss?

Bella: Oh ya, sweetums, I changed your name! Tis' now Phyliss. Kay, Phyliss?

Emmet: Phil-a-who?

Rosalie: PHYLISS!

Esme: NO CHILDREN! STOP FIGHTING! IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU! NOW COME AND EAT YOUR VEGETABLES.

All: We're hunting! BYE!

**SO YA, SO HERE(: **

**READ AND REVIEW, FELLOW PIONEERS! **

**-KATIE, YA HEARD?**


	4. Poor Spider

**Hiya, all! You know, it's really hard managing about three stories at once. I've totally been neglecting RR. Haha, but if I get about two more reviews on it, I shall update(: Oh, yes. This chapter was written by my incredible edible best friend/beta clumsylittlebella. Enjoy(:**

( A/N- This is set in a basement with creepy crawly spiders and cobwebs sprawled around everyone. Bella is over a cauldron, stirring it and adding this and that to its contents. Why she is doing this...no one knows. But at the moment she at her own house and no one else is around. Let's find out what she it trying to accomplish. OOC.)

Bella: Let's put this in...And that. (She throws in a cotton candy and a stuffed animal.) I'm completely mortified that I have to use Rupert, my stuffed pig, but it's all going towards the greater good! Mwahahaha...wait, that's an evil laugh...I better work on that. (She then proceeds to trip on a lemon because she is that good, people.)

(Picks up piece of a lemon.)

Bella: Oooh, that would be a good ingredient.

(Throws in the lemon.)

Bella: Now, what to do while I wait for the secret potion to work?

(She takes up a thinking pose identical to The Thinker.)

Bella: I got it! I shall go and find Eddy Weddy! I bet he misses me soooo much. And I need to stop this monologue. I must sound insane...Nah!

(She then leaves the scene while the cauldron bubbles over and spills all over the floor. It then drowns a spider.)

Spider: No! How cruel is this world! It made me die in stuffed animal guts and orange peels!

Bella: It was not an orange! It was a lemon, and only one lemon at that!

Spider: Really? Well, thanks for that correction but could you, maybe, HELP ME!

Bella: Nope! My Edders Wedders recommended that I stop talking to my imaginary friends. And he said I wasn't allowed to do what they said. I don't know why! All Bob told me to do was to destroy the Oppressed Lunch Fairies! I would have to but Eddy told me I had to go and save my beetle! And I love Herb-Jose! He is a Circus Ringmaster. That also is Latin American!

Spider: That's splendid.

(Liquid of some sort rises.)

Bella: Yes, and yesterday we had a tea party. Then, we rode our bikes to the mall. Herb-Jose had a hard time riding his bike that I bought him so I had Edward carry him! He is such a good boyfriend!

Spider: I'm seeing black spots. I wonder if I have schizophrenia.

Bella: (Notices the spider isn't listening.)

Spider: I can't breathe! (Water rises even more.) Why is it rising faster? (Looks over to Bella. She has just pulled a lever that is conspicuously labeled 'Fill'.) Why would you do that? Do you have no mercy?

Bella: You weren't listening to my fascinating story about the picnic!

Spider: I DONT CARE ABOUT THE PICNIC-Wait, wasn't it a tea party?

Bella: Of course not silly!

Spider: I was almost sure it was a tea party.

Bella: Nope!

Spider: OK. I guess so! Now will you help me?

Bella: Nah!

Spider: Well, I guess I'm dying then.

Bella: Yup

Spider: All alone.

Bella: Yup.

Spider: With no one to hold!

Bella: This is correct.

Spider: With a lunatic by my side.

Bella: Yup.

Spider: Well, this sucks.

Bella: Yup.

Spider: Is yup all you know how to say?

Bella: Nope!

Spider: Sigh

(Bella turns around and sporadically leaves the spider!)

Spider: I'm glad she's gone. (Notices piece of string lying beside him. Looks around suspiciously but ends up grabbing it and lifts himself out of the water.) Well, I'm glad that is over. (Starts walking...um crawling ...or something! Away.) I'll always have that mad experience in my head! So traumatic! Nothing like that will happen again though! (Trips over a lemon peel! Breaks all of his legs!) I was thwarted by a lemon peel!

Bella: It was an orange peel.

Spider: Huh? (Dies from blood loss.)

(Bella skips away to find Edward)


End file.
